This is everything I have ever tried to articulate and failed because a man was talking over me.
This entire article. I keep saying this, and it’s just so baffling to me how almost everyone always disagrees with me on this, because this idea that women are so much more emotional than men, and that men so much more rational than women is just so consistently being proven wrong to me every day of my life.
omg I’ve been waiting for years for somebody to write this.
I remember when I was taking a psychology class in high school, our teacher insisted that men had more emotional needs than women. To prove it, he showed us a video of a study with mothers and their infants.
In the study, women would play peekaboo with their babies, but then after a while give them a blank :I look
The baby girls were mostly unaffected, the boys however, started crying.
Hell I don’t need a study, I just have to look at my parents. My dad gets upset if my mom isn’t there to constantly freaking baby him, while my mom is expected to work and come home and make dinner and put up with him even though he’s retired and doesn’t do shit around the house now.
So why the shit do we get saddled with the emotional, clingy reputation??
shit is too fucking real. if i had a nickel for every time i had to wipe away dude tears and then had my own emotions completely minimized in return i’d have a nice car to fucking run over them with
Hi, I am a man. I really hope other men click through and read this article. It’s true. This is us. This is what we need to work on. NOW.
i’ve never actually liked needy people who can’t keep their feefees in check… so maybe that’s where a lot of my ~*MiSaNDry*~ comes from
Boys, as a rule, are the MOST hyper-emotional.
And, this is not to diss being emotional, these things happen. It’s life. Lack of, or over-abundance is not bad in and of itself. HOW it manifests is potentially the problem. And men, largely though not exclusively, are reared to be passive aggressive or otherwise emotionally manipulative first and foremost. That’s like half of every romcom, a guy being shitty and rightly rejected or just being rejected and then he wagers emotional warfare and speaks to EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the film about his feelings before (if ever) speaking to the object of his lusting.
More than that, the performance of WHITE maleness is laced through and through with subtle and implicit aggressions. Like, during the first debate when people were busy commenting about the President being reticent to engage Romney, I was appalled by the level of rage and anger in his performance. But, like the article says, it was coded in the “acceptable” manner, so it was “Just how people talked” even though it was notably aggressive and manipulative, not only in the actual manner of his speaking and body language, but in the very logic he used.
Moreover, so much time and energy is invested, in patriarchy, in the project of suring up men’s feelings that anything that refutes those feelings they sputter out like an Asimovian robot presented with a paradox. They can’t visibly lose their shit (until they do, and then it’s excused as them being “pushed” there), but any semblance of rationality they had just goes out the window as they, well…..bull their way through an argument.